Fundamental Instability

My identity is eroding. The "tagalong" thing only works if you are actually tagging along. But for the past few months, I have not been. First, I made a trip overseas and didn't log in for almost a month. Since my return, it seems like my closest online friends aren't on when I am. The disruption to my "second habits" is changing my online activities, and since one's online behavior is closely associated with the self, with these changes, I am becoming not-me.

So to deal with my online boredom and loneliness, I have gone in two different directions. I can't say which, at this point, is going to prevail (or if miraculously the tagalong thing will revive). First, I started to get serious about developing content in SL. This is a radical departure from the "tagalong" identity I've had all along. Well, I am interested in machinima and envy people who have ever raised a Linden Dollar short of their allowance (and without being an escort). So I've started to create a little content and I am thinking about opening a store and selling it. I doubt I'll make any serious money, but even a couple hundred extra Lindens a week would let me upload lots of textures and buy more outfits!

The second direction is an even more radical departure. Many of my friends know that I came to SL as a refugee from World of Warcraft, which I stopped playing for almost a year. Well, I've started to go back to it of late. There, I have no friends, since everyone I knew a year ago is offline or level 60 or whatever and not interested in me. And I have not made any new friends. But if I DO make friends in WoW, or I join a guild or something, it could threaten alle's very existence. What if I stop SL for a year and lose all my friends there?

For now, I am going back and forth between the two worlds. Two massively-multiplayer virtual worlds, but two grayed out social networks.

Maybe I'll screw everyone and go back to Grandia III or Kingdom Hearts II.