Slipping Across the Thin Line

If you like me, it is "because of" or "in spite of" the fact that I am articulate, honest, and sassy. Most of the time, people like me because of, not in spite of. But sometimes, I slip across the line. Two different episodes in the past week have me thinking about this, though both are quite different. One is largely trivial, and the other is more serious.

The trivial incident occurred when I was spending a nice evening with my Mistress, and She invited a friend of Hers, T, over for a visit. Uncomfortable with Her friend, but wanting to be friendly, I got a little silly. At some point along the way, I apparently crossed the line from silly to a little annoying or possibly offensive, and my Mistress gave me a gentle, but firm rebuke. Needless to say, I stopped. In fact, I more than stopped. After my sincere apology, I lapsed into complete silence, not because I thought that's what my Mistress wanted, and not because I was sulking; I was flustered, and it stopped me dead in my tracks.

Trying to recover, and also trying to figure out exactly what I did, I read and reread the chat history (which of course only increased my silence). I never quite figured out what exactly I said, which makes me wonder if I intended something in a totally innocuous way, and She heard it in a different way. But because I never quite figured out what it was, it has made me unusually cautious in my use of humor around Her--something I don't think She actually wants.

The second "episode" really isn't an episode, but rather a type of episode. Every now and then, my Mistress talks to me about more serious things, such as her relationships (rl and sl), Her real feelings about something or someone, some conflict or dilemma She is facing, etc. Now, this is delicate, because a true friend is honest and sometimes has to say something their friend does not necessarily want to hear. If I am superficially roleplaying as a sub, of course it is doubtful I should say such things. But I say them anyway, because my Mistress is a friend first, and a Domme second.

This is clear enough in my head, but in practice, it can become a little fuzzy. Last night, my Mistress was feeling tired and sick, and I felt that She should probably go to bed and catch up on Her rest. I guess I got a little enthusiastic in this particular recommendation, and I suddenly found myself involuntarily on my knees before Her, facing Her rhetorical question, "Who is in charge here?"

Now, a number of factors should be clarified here. First, I interpreted Her reaction (putting me on my knees, asking this question) as playful. I don't believe She was offended or that She really felt I was being insubordinate. Second, you should know, dear reader, that the advice I was giving clearly went against my own self-interest, since I had hoped to spend the whole evening with Her! My motives could not have been more selfless. Third, lest you infer from my writing here that being forced to my knees is somehow a bad thing, I beg you to consider your author. For I must confess that it was thrilling and greatly rewarding for Her to assert Her control over me in this way. (And I'm pretty sure She knows that.)

But I also backed off of encouraging Her to go to bed. She did, anyway, which suggests that I had made my point before I wound up on my knees. Regardless, I definitely would have shut up after that point, at least with regard to Her going to bed.

The bottom line is that I will continue to treat my Mistress first as a friend and second as a Domme, and I will accept whatever consequences this policy has. I trust that She will communicate with me when I step across that thin line, and I only hope that I have the strength and maturity to deal with it well when She does correct me.